After Marriage

After someone gets married, unfortunately, there is the possibility of separation and divorce. Divorce is becoming more commonly accepted. In 2008, 22% of Americans still believed that divorce is morally wrong. I personally believe that a couple should do everything in their power to work out their problems before even considering marriage. Doing everything possible, doesn't mean trying to talk about it and then deciding that it's not getting everywhere. I mean that both spouses are really attempting to make it work between them and giving their heart to trying to fix their problem. I believe that people are genuinely happier when they work out a problem instead of divorce because often times one of them regrets the divorce two years later. There are certain instances in which I believe divorce is healthier for both parties and children, but there are many instances where it is not healthier. My textbook (Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy Eighth Edition) notes that there are four phases in the process of divorce. The first is recognition. This is when one or both spouses recognize that there is a serious problem. The second is discussion. Discussion is the period during which one or both spouses begin to share the marital problems with others or each other. Third is action. This is when one of the spouses secures a lawyer in order to legally divorce. The last one is postdissolution which begins when both spouses accept the fact that the marriage has ended. The textbook also mentions the six "stations" of divorce or six different experiences that people are likely to have. There is emotional divorce, legal divorce, economic divorce, co-parental divorce, community divorce, and finally psychic divorce. I won't explain what each of these is, but you can do your research and find out more about these. If considering divorce, people need to think about the negative effects of divorce as well. Health problems can occur (physical and emotional) and financial problems.. PLUS... it can dramatically affect the children too. All of these should be taken into consideration, but if possible, I highly recommend trying to work things out. What can seem like a major problem or a problem that can't be fixed, turns out to be solvable if work and time is put into it. If you're married, I wish you a happy marriage! Take time to make your spouse (and children if any) feel loved! Happy Holidays!

Parenting

Being a parent, in my opinion, is the most important job you could have in this life. Having children is such an amazing privilege and blessing. We need to learn to be the best parents we can be. There are so many different parenting techniques. What you need to do is look at the different techniques and decide what you believe are the correct ones and the ones you want to implement. I will talk about some things I learned about parenting and you can form your own opinions about them. I learned that you are supposed to use "I" messages. Those work in any type of relationship because you aren't placing blame on anyone and you're talking about how you feel. The video we watched talks about two techniques called "either/or" and "when/then". The "either/or" is telling your child that they either do the thing you're asking of them or there will be a consequence. The "when/then" is telling your child that they can do something when they do what you want them to do. I have learned in my parenting class and this class that rewards and punishments are not very effective. They are slightly effective for the short-term, but they are not at all effective for the long-term. In fact, they can be the opposite of effective. According to Alfie Kohn, every time you reward a child for something they do, they become less interested in the thing they were rewarded for. Punishments can be done correctly, but almost always aren't. We should learn to be more intentional parents. We need to be more aware of our children and why they do things instead of just focusing on their behavior. We should talk to them more and try to understand them. We need to speak to them on their level instead of talking down to them. We are there  to help them instead of bossing them around. The video I watched talks about Logical Consequences Guidelines for teens. These are the steps: 1. Ask the teen to help decide the consequence. , 2. Put the consequence in the form of a choice: either/or choice OR when/then choice. , 3. Make sure the consequence is logically connected to the misbehavior. , 4. Give choices that you can live with. , 5. Keep your tone of voice firm and calm. , 6. Give the choice on time, then enforce the consequence. , and 7. Expect testing from your teen. They also talk about FLAC. It stands for Feelings, Limits, Alternatives (working with child for a solution), and Consequences. It is important to acknowledge their good efforts and not just point out their mistakes. It is easy to discourage our children. This is done by expecting too little, expecting too much, focusing on mistakes, and overprotecting our children. We can encourage our children by showing confidence, building on strengths, learning to value them, and stimulating their independence. It is important to be the best parents we can be because we will be raising the next generation. How you treat them and raise them has a huge impact on the rest of their life. I am excited to be a parent. I know it will be difficult, but it will be so worth it. The good times will outweigh the challenging. This week's challenge: Be intentional parents! Get to know your children. Work to truly understand them and only make decisions that are beneficial and will actually. teach your children. Happy December!